Adult dilemma.

Hello. Assalamualaikum.

Tick, tock, tick, tock. Time is moving soo fast! Another two weeks before my holidays really ends. Phew, after almost three months, it is so nice to think that I am going back to the campus life for good. Lately, A and I had a looong serious talk for almost everyday. You know, started from the random talks about friends, life experiences and inspirations, some politics issues, and the main subject matter that will never be forgotten (This topic is the hardest and the most painful to be talked to), what the future really hold for both of us.... 

"I am so stress with my work. I am thinking to further my studies. How's your day ?"

"Not good. I am stress too. I haven't decide where I want to go."

The growing up syndrome, may be ? Hehe. Ahhhh if only I know, growing up will be this hard... :( I guess we are really in crisis now. Both of us are in rush to settle everything in time in order to proceed to the next serious stage (Wuu). Well, the conversation will usually end up with one consoling another...... & the last message will be:

"Let's sleep, don't worry too much. We 'll continue tomorrow."

******HAHA******

But, seriiiouuuuslyyyyy life is riddled with a lot of tough questions mannnn! For everyone's information, I have secured my place in two universities for my degree program. & now, it is the time to only reply the offer (Which I haven't done it yet). I really don't want to think, but it just happened....... and pop! Makes me wondering a lot. May be the fault is on me, I am too immersed with the idea of achieving. We have to achieve this and that in order to achieve the highest dream of everyone -living the high life one day. 

Thinking of what Ustaz said in my tafsir class (We discussed about surah Al-Mulk last night), ..Yang menciptakan mati dan hidup, untuk menguji kamu, siapa yang diantara kamu yang lebih baik amalnya. Dan Dia Mahaperkasa Maha Pengampun (Al-Mulk:2). In this sentence, it tells that He is the one who created death & life in order to test us. And to be more exact, Allah will always tests us till the end of our lives and His tests will be in many ways, either through the hardships or by the ease-ness. The point here is we have to always do good deeds. & another thing to be highlighted, Allah urges us to do the best quality of amal. Ustaz repeated this many times in his talk: Allah uji kita dengan siapa yang lebih BAIK amalnya, bukan yang BANYAK amal. 

Hm. Subhanallah. I feel a lot better listening to the talk. Whenever we have conflict between our head and our heart, the only way out is only Allah. Only Him can take us through the storm. Well, logic thinking. Since He is the one who create the test, of course he will has the answer scheme. Am I right ? Hehe. Until I finish writing this entry, I am still not sure which offers I would like to accept. But, I know He will help me after this. Allah will never give his servants challenges without knowing their capabilities. I can survive! 

If you find yourself like me (In the crisis of adult dilemma), please noted that we are in the same boat. Let's take this opportunity to remain conscious of Allah all the time. May be before this, we always forget about Him. Perhaps ? 

Women are (n't) complicated

I have just finished reading a book and I am soooooo drowned into it nooow. Where She Went really got under my skin. This book turns out to a better book (Read: Incredible) compared to If I Stay. Well, just like Adam, knowing that both of them are no longer longer together (Mia dumped him without any hint of explaination) since the accident really makes me wondered. Why Mia why ?! 

"She kissed me good-bye. She told me that she loved me more than life itself. Then she stepped through security. She never came back." 

"Ever hear the one about that dog that spent it's life chasing cars and finally caught one - and had no idea what to do with it? I'm that dog."

Like him, I am angry too. Sometimes, I feel like I can feel everything what is he going through.. All things that he say, really breaks me :( Reading through the lines make me think a lot. How the power of love can destruct one self... And the worst is, how can Adam's story touches my heart more rather than the story of Mia losing her family.. They are amazing. Well, perhaps Adam's story is too bitter. And his emotions is too strong.... I can't help myself to feel upset at Mia.. how can she has the guts to leave Adam.. Hm, am I sobbing over a guys's broken heart now ? Haha

But, of course, the best part of this book is when Mia and Adam met again after being departed.. and start to talk about what really happened since three years ago. I really don't want to care on what Mia says. What I know is she really has no solid reasons to leave Adam. But, as I start to re-think again, the only thing that Adam do after he was left by Mia is only blaming her. And he takes a lot of anger out on others.. (I was influenced too. haha)... And you know, he even have another girlfriend after that too! Wow.

“It would ’ve been easier to die. It’s not that I want to be dead now. I don’t. I have a lot in my life that I get satisfaction from, that I love. But some days, especially in the beginning, it was so hard. And I couldn’t help but think that it would’ve been so much simpler to go with the rest of them. But you—you asked me to stay. You begged me to stay. You stood over me and you made a promise to me, as sacred as any vow.” 

"You talked to me, but you didn’t. I could see you having these two-sided conversations. The things you wanted to say to me. And the words that actually came out.”

When Mia finally tell him the reasons, I am quite stunned. I don't expect that it is also hard on her (Well, obviously she is the one who left. Why she should be sympathized ?). Ok, I 'm lying. If only I am Mia, I 'll do the same as her too. I guess. I don't mean to sound insensitive. But, I understand how Mia feel too. Sometimes we are too tired to explain things. Can't men just reflect & think what had they promise to us.. and what exactly had they done in order to fulfil all the promises ? Look, ok (Just now, I was on Adam's side. But now I am going to gang with Mia). Am I being complicated here ? Ah. My brain hurts now. Till then, take care guys. Haha

This is the real... reality

Assalamualaikum!

*This entry is pretty lengthy. Please bear with it*

I really want to blog since last two / three days ago. I am so excited! I haven't been to Islamic courses for a long time.. & When my Abah said that there is one tafsir class at the mosque nearby to my house.. No excuse to me this time! Hehe. We all need reminders.. to ensure we don't become so ensnared in this crazy world! It is so scary to think of, Masya Allah. 

I have always think Quran & us have a very special connection. It is just like we need sun to help us to see our way during the day. And I finally understand when Ustaz said this that night: Keperluan manusia terhadap Al-Quran lebih daripada keperluan ikan terhadap air. Allah always stresses us to think and to use our mind. You know, Quran is just like a love letter from Him, that is full of questions & answers.

Ustaz talked about the last part of Surah Al-Haqqah that night. I missed the first part of it. The second part was explained by Abah (He went to this class last week). Well, Al- Haqqah means The inevitable truth. Read: Reality. The reality is the inevitable event that will happen one day. What Abah always said to us... hari kehancuran ini ada dua, hancur maksudnya kiamat.. & juga mati. Mati juga umpama kiamat bagi kita.... Whether we realize or not, He always reminds us to be aware of the judgement day. Basically, the final part of this surah conclude everything that has been discussed in the early sections. Regarding Allah, his prophet, alam ghaib, & sam'iyyat things (syurga, neraka, hari kiamat etc etc).

My favourite Al-Quran

I am an old-style person (I guess). I love physical reading very much. If it has to be read, so I need books. Real books. Not from the handphone or what so ever. & when it comes to reading and learning, I have always need to jot down the important points (Or at least, things that I really think are very important to me). That is why, I still believe in the existence of notebook & planners. haha.

You know what Ustaz said that night ? Hak Al-Quran ke atas diri kita adalah kita mesti khatam sekurang-kurangnya dua kali setahun. Subhanallah, that is why Abah always forces us to read & read Al-Quran. Come on, we can go to work everyday, we can read hundred pages of novel, but to read a page of Al-Quran ? No ? 

*sigh* 

Listening to Ustaz's lecture really makes me think. I mean, we are just only normal human beings. We do a lot of mistakes. Sometimes, we try to hold our tongues, lower our gaze, or try as good as possible to avoid what Allah asks us to avoid.. but, we are normal human beings. We are weak and we can do the same mistakes over and over. But to know that Allah is always there for us, how can we never feel the shame ? No matter how bad we are, His door of forgiveness is always opens for us.

And, here we go for the most important notes that Ustaz said before he ended his lecture. If we have these four things with us, we have Islam in our hand. 

1) Zikr

2) Grateful body & soul

3) Sabr

4) Solehah wife / soleh husband

    
Another interesting point from Ustaz that makes me ponder: Innalillahiwainnailaihiroji'un. Kembali kepada Allah. Why we are busy to say that to the dead, whereby we should suppose to say that before we are really go back to Him. Pang! Slapped my face hardly! So, in whatever we do.. We have to always remember that there is another life in the hereafter. And that is the reality that all of us have to face. No one knows, when is the day. That is why, we are told to prepare for it. This is the real... reality.

I want to be better.

Step by step. Slowly.....

Kitchen fairy

"Heyyyy you are doing nothing all day todayyy"

"Can't you come and help me in the kitchen bla blaaaa"

.........

"Take my handphone, & check the screenshot pictures"

"That recipe looked very simple. You can do that"

I was having a me-time with my laptop when Mom started her nagging *Sesh, can't really see I am freeee* Being a good daughter...... I went to her & asked her what she wanted me to do. And, you know the rest of the story. Oh man! I can wash the dishes, I can help to keep the kitchen clean (I even mastered this one), but coo-ki-ng ? Hm. You know, I rarely cook (Everyone knows Fety. pfft). How can we say about this.. Everyone has their strengths & weakness. & this is a real fact that everyone should accept (HAHA. What a good excuse!).

Well, since Mom is being so helpful (How kind is she to save all the recipes for her daughter. ha ha), I decided to try it out. I took all the ingredients out of the fridge, and started to do as the instructions told me. Looking at the recipe...... I filled the bowl with hot water.. Of course, with a crazy imagination in my head (Wow, Fety can really cook etc etc)......... Until Mom came to me and asked again what was I really doing.

.........

"That recipe told you to MASAK dengan air, bukan MASUKKAN air"

.........

Crap!! I am so dead!! HAHA. It was funny, though. I really don't have patience at cooking. That is probably the biggest problem of mine. I did read the recipe, with only a quick glance. haha. Back to the recipe, Mom took charge in repairing the breakdown that I had made, & taaa daaaa it was done in 15 minutes. My Mom is really the kitchen fairy! ;D 

______________________________________________________________________

Update:

I pass making this one! *flip hair*

Keep the faith

Assalamualaikum!

There are many things happened these few days & I have been quite affected with everything. The major flood.. that swept almost all of the districts in my state, and the latest news regarding the Air Asia's flight.. were making me to think a lot. When I wrote the last entry regarding the rainy days last week, I never think that the flood will be this worst (No, please don't relate my dream to this incident). 

Astaghfirullah. I too cannot lie, even though my family is not affected (directly) from this incident, I am very scared. It reminds me to one of my bed-time stories with Abah: The story of Prophet Nuh,  the tragedy of tsunami that happened in Acheh last 10 years, and the most important, it makes me think...... Am I ready for the judgement day ? :(

"Atau patutkah kamu merasa aman (tidak takut) kepada Allah yang pusat pemerintahan Nya di langit itu: menghantarkan kepada kamu angin ribut yang menghujani kamu dengan batu; maka dengan itu, kamu akan mengetahui kelak bagaimana buruknya kesan amaran Ku ?" (Al-Mulk:17)

Life is temporary. We are placed in this world for only a short time. Sehari di akhirat itu sama dengan seribu tahun di dunia. These are what Abah always said during his "lecture" to us. Well, the world is more like to a testing-ground where we are being tested.. Perhaps, we can say that our life is actually an examination ? So, how we respond to all of them will be evaluated and the results will eventually determine our after-life (Even to only think about this, makes me shivering a little inside). 

And today, I vow to be a better person. I have noted some things that I should do after this (Bismillah, may everything goes well with me). After all, instead of crazily competing for the best student title in the dunia, I guess it is better for us to hunt the award of the best student in the akhirat starting from now. hehe.

Wet days

It has been so wet since last two days, signifies that the rainy season has come to Kelate. Wuuhuuu! Well, this rainy days, you know... -the perfect time to stay in the pyjama longer! Hehe. Since I 'm on my holiday, staying in the bed with the sound of wonderful rains seems so good! ...But, the rainy season this time seems different. The continuous rain has caused heavy flood in several places in Kelate (Lucky that my home is not affected. Alhamdulillah). & One of the most affected areas is in Mache, one place that I heart very much. Looking at all the pictures, it was quite shocking to see there were water pooled in most of the places, including the front road of the campus. It must be hard for everyone there. My deepest condolences goes to the flood victims and I pray that everything will go well. Stay safe, everyone :)

By the way, ... I don't know how to tell about this. It 's just, I dreamed the same thing over and over these few days. It was related to water (a lot). Telling best friend about the dream was not helping (?) -Ok ok, he helped! He came out with one or two theories, and they were all fun-ny! But, still I could not forget it. Hm, perhaps the dream is trying to relay me some messages ? Ohhhh man, I 'm dizzy. Let's hope it is just only a dream. Please.

The rain, water, flood, & the dream T___T 

Source: Instagram UiTMMachang

_____________________________________________________________________________

"It is okay". He tells me. "If you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I have ever wanted anything in my life". His voice cracks with emotion. He stops, clears his throat, takes a breath, and continues. "But that is what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It's okay if you have to leave us. It's okay if you want to stop fighting". -If I Stay, Gayle Forman.

I cry reading this paragraph. It is very heartbreaking :( I bought this book after noticing that the cover of the book is very attractive. Well, ok it was not mine bought the book. My best friend did. I whats-app(ed) him the cover of the book in the morning, he bought it in the evening of the same day (wow), but I only received it one month after that. Haha! At first, I never really get what is the story about, although I read the synopsis for several times (I tell you, I am attracted to this book because of the cover). Those who have read or watch this story probably know what happens. Everything changes in a single moment when Mia and her family involve in a disastrous car accident. To make it more worst, she is the only one who survive...... and basically, this novel is only about a girl who is facing an ultimate dilemma: To live or to die.

Though, this book really provoked me a lot of thoughts. As Mia struggled to make decisions whether to live or to die, which I think it must very hard on her, I do take my own time to think about my decision too (I have decided, I guess). Cannot deny, decision making is always a very painful process. Mia's story is beautiful. But, buying this book to only read about a soul wandering in the hospital..... Ahhhhh nvm, it is my choice (And my best friend pays for it. Haha!) I tell you earlier, the cover of the book is very seducing. hehe. So, the real lesson ? Don't judge a book by its cover ;)

Home-work

There are few random thoughts running through my head these few days. It is quite challenging to put everything into words here. -Ah, some things are better left unsaid.. So, what's up ? I am totally fine (except for my face, there are little bumps here and there. & yes, I 'm stress with that T__T). After all, holiday mood is still on.... And oh I am not sure whether this is considered as good news or not, but I 've settled down for good. hehe, which means I have no official relationship with my campus anymore. Yeay ?! With the new team that has been set up for both of the club & students' council, I wish all of them best of luck to go through the craziness of workloads for the whole year. *evil laugh here*

I have just come home from my sister's convocation last week. It was fun... and full of sentimental value. Despite of some regrets in me for not being the first in the family to graduate.. I am soooo proud of my sister! You can never imagine on how hard she struggled during her school and uni - days in order to receive the scroll. Mendidik anak ibarat menanam pokok. Dulu, ditanam saja benih. Hari ini dah tiba masa kami tuai hasilnya. ....Abah and his lecture will never fall apart. He tazkirah us all the way from the campus back to Kelate -__-" But, yes they are all true. Looking at our parents (non-stop clicking his camera, make us embarrased in front of the friends bla bla. haha), they only want the best for us. And, I know this day will never possible without them. Well, now they can sigh a little bit of relief to see one of their children has pass very well (Many more to come!).

Hm, ajet sangat! #JelitadahKonvo

On the other note, my youngest brother (not so young anymore, he 'll be 15 next year. pffft) has getting more playful now! Besides of futsal and squash (his birds will never be forgotten), with this new globalization era of smartphones; he is very addicted to COC. Last few days, he was scolded by Abah for not doing anything sooo, now he behaved a bit and one day I came to see him doing his work quitely in his room.

A : Dik, why are you so lazy doing school works now ?

B : How can I not be lazy doing all these homeworks, teachers never ask for them to be pass up. To make it more worst ?! I am the only one who settled all of them.

A : ........Orang baik selalu teraniaya

*******

But, seriously who to blame now ?!!