Jun 12, 2017

So now what?



I rejected the Public Bank offer. They even insist on giving me another offer for the next term (which means I have to postpone my study for one semester), which.... I can't tolerate with that one. I 'm not going to postpone my study now. There is only one semester left. NO.

I 've to set another plan on what should I do at the moment. Most important, the degree must be finished on time. I 'm doing my industrial training in TNB now. Basically, the place is nice. Full of kind-hearted people. In fact, I have started writing my thesis (Thank you to my sister).

Well, so far, I 'm still living my normal life. I wake up in the morning, go to the office, come home at 5, and the list goes... making me consider myself exceptionally healthy. Somehow, the lacking of movement that I felt past few weeks is gone. I can walk properly now.

Whatever it is, I am largely over it now.

Moving forward.

I am so grateful. There has been no moment in these past few weeks that I have felt alone. I am blown away with the support system that I have. My mother is the one who is diligently accompanying me at the hospital. My father who is willing to stay behind after his office hours, coming to the hospital just to make prayer for me. My sisters who are willing to take turn waiting for me. & not to forget, my friends and A that never forget to ask me how I was feeling every day. I feel supported.

Knowing that this entry is very personal, but I as I 'm writing this, I feel the big burden on my shoulder is lifted off. I am hoping that writing and sharing my experience here will help me to go through the process. 




Jun 9, 2017

Setting aside the dreams


**Postponed Entry**

Doc: Have you received my email?

Me: The case summary? Yes.
.
Doc: Please come to the hospital. I 'll explain.

Me: ....


I am sick. That 's what the doctor said. There is something in my head, which they too still unsure what 's it. What I remember distinctly, was when the doctor examined me last two weeks, he said it was just an ambiguous case. But now.. he starts explaining how I need to see a specialist from neuro-medical dept. (He confirmed that it was not tumor) and he would put the referral in.

Neuromyelitis optica. Out of all the explanations given by the doctor, the thing that  I only understand is it is something rare. Almost similar to multiple sclerosis. The ratio is 1/2 : 100 000 population in Malaysia. I felt the blood rushed to my head now. My adrenaline pumped so hard, and the fear starts to creep in.

I don't cry. In fact, I can't cry. There are no tears that want to come out of my eyes. The only thing that in my thoughts now is only regarding my place of internship. I am supposed to do my internship in the Public Bank Training Centre. I 've confirmed with them. But, with this sickness, there's no wayy that my parents would allow me to go.

Do I have to set aside my dreams now?

T_____T



 

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