The mysterious NMO

New year.

Another hopeful year (My real post starts here).

Alhamdulillah. People have told me how well I 'm coping and how they couldn't have done the same in this situation. I wonder, did they understand my disease? I don't know. I don't see that way. I had my moments of breakdown too. I researched, and had my moments of thinking about the worst thing.

Last few months were horrible. 

I suppose to start my treatment in few hours when my world started to twist. Both of my eyes began to twitch out of sudden, and the vision became muzzy. That time, I felt like I had to put my face on the paper, just to sign a document. Even the biggest letter on the board, I can't seeee it T___T I started to panic!! My neurologist immediately sent me to the ophthalmologist to ensure my eyes were examined.

Since that moment, I was started at a very high doses of steroids. I got three days of steroids via the IV. After that, 10 tablets of steroids everyday. Ten ok! Ten! Recovery had been very slow. My body weight increased from 44.5 to nearly 57 kgs in a blink (the side effect of steroid). I was in that condition for nearly six months before things slowly getting back to normal (It was so tiring to answer all the questions and plus, to entertain the stupid jokes from everyone during that time).

I have started working since last three months. So far, so good. It has been one year since the first (the worst) attack. I am now can only hope and pray that the chemotherapy that I have to take twice a year do its job, so that my body remains neurologically stable.

Looking through the gallery, I started to complete the puzzle. Just to reminiscing back how does it all started, I finally had the courage to write and post my story.

Another long story after this. I 'll update later.

(My eyes hurt)

So now what?

I rejected the Public Bank offer. They even insist on giving me another offer for the next term (which means I have to postpone my study for one semester), which.... I can't tolerate with that one. I 'm not going to postpone my study now. There is only one semester left. NO.

I 've to set another plan on what should I do at the moment. Most important, the degree must be finished on time. I 'm doing my industrial training in TNB now. Basically, the place is nice. Full of kind-hearted people. In fact, I have started writing my thesis (Thank you to my sister).

Well, so far, I 'm still living my normal life. I wake up in the morning, go to the office, come home at 5, and the list goes... making me consider myself exceptionally healthy. Somehow, the lacking of movement that I felt past few weeks is gone. I can walk properly now.

Whatever it is, I am largely over it now.

Moving forward.

I am so grateful. There has been no moment in these past few weeks that I have felt alone. I am blown away with the support system that I have. My mother is the one who is diligently accompanying me at the hospital. My father who is willing to stay behind after his office hours, coming to the hospital just to make prayer for me. My sisters who are willing to take turn waiting for me. & not to forget, my friends and A that never forget to ask me how I was feeling every day. I feel supported.

Knowing that this entry is very personal, but I as I 'm writing this, I feel the big burden on my shoulder is lifted off. I am hoping that writing and sharing my experience here will help me to go through the process. 

Setting aside the dreams

**Postponed Entry**

Doc: Have you received my email?

Me: The case summary? Yes.
.
Doc: Please come to the hospital. I 'll explain.

Me: ....


I am sick. That 's what the doctor said. There is something in my head, which they too still unsure what 's it. What I remember distinctly, was when the doctor examined me last two weeks, he said it was just an ambiguous case. But now.. he starts explaining how I need to see a specialist from neuro-medical dept. (He confirmed that it was not tumor) and he would put the referral in.

Neuromyelitis optica. Out of all the explanations given by the doctor, the thing that  I only understand is it is something rare. Almost similar to multiple sclerosis. The ratio is 1/2 : 100 000 population in Malaysia. I felt the blood rushed to my head now. My adrenaline pumped so hard, and the fear starts to creep in.

I don't cry. In fact, I can't cry. There are no tears that want to come out of my eyes. The only thing that in my thoughts now is only regarding my place of internship. I am supposed to do my internship in the Public Bank Training Centre. I 've confirmed with them. But, with this sickness, there's no wayy that my parents would allow me to go.

Do I have to set aside my dreams now?

T_____T