Life just got real, sigh.

Assalamualaikum! 

Phew, finally! Guys, I am very panic! I can't access my blog since yesterday. I even think of probability that my blog was hacked T__T Ah, what to say. This place is one place that I treasure the most, how can it disappear just like that ? Without any single good bye ? Ok, Fety is being exaggerate, as always. haha

It has been two weeks. I have just come back from Jakarta & a commitment of work to my college last two days -they were the last one, since I 'm not joining my MPP team to Perth this December, and perhaps will not able to join the Mega PC Fair program also. Thinking of not going back there after this makes me cry inside (This time is serious. Even if I 'm going back there again, things will never as the same as today anymore). Well, life really has a way of kicking us when we are down (absolutely). And just when we think we cannot fall any lower, we get kicked again. Duh, when did life get so real ?? I cannot lie to myself. I am having a rough time now. Erm, may be we can say it as adult dilemma ? At times, I feel like I don't want to care about choosing. Let's go for alternatives, it is either do-or-die. Decision making process is never easy *sigh*. 

After all, I have always remind myself with this: Everyone has their own struggles. No matter what we are going through in our lives, other people also have gone the same or worse. It is times like this we need to be strong in order to come out stronger on the other side. Come on, I have passed series of tragedies before this, how can I not endure this little dilemma ? Hehe.

I think the biggest design project anyone can have is their own life

I am a person who likes to make 'things-to-do list' that can help me to organize my day. Alhamdulillah, many things can be settled by doing the list. Still there are some things are not going according to my plan (I am always in total mess when I am busy. haha). Sometimes, what we want and what we get in life are totally different.... I am an ordinary human, who is very immersed in designing the future and sometimes, totally forget on what has been said in Al-Quran, ....But, they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best planner (Al-Anfal:30).  

Of course, this is a SPONSORED post. My best friend needs to pay me for letting his story comes out openly in my sketch place. haha. I was too busy with my own stuff this whole November. But, I guess I excel my first surprise present :) -I was attacked with a lot of screen-shots of this picture that day. Haha! & thank you for my busy-ness, I have no time to reply at all (I have nothing to reply, that is the truth! Haha). 

So, the long wait is over. All of your hard works and sleepless nights for the past few years have been paid off. Happy graduation to the one who is in love with design projects the most. Designing is always cool, but in the mean time, He too has already designed and planned our projects ahead. What more can we say except let's put the trust in Him ? Allah is the best planner.

Happy graduation. You owe me big this time!

Nobody said it was easy

Assalamualaikum!

I am very excited! I have a lot of things that make me proud today. You know, my best friend had his first outstation this morning & will be home tonight (Career man sangat!), most of my friends passed their semester results excellently, and of course, I 'm graduating! Finally! I am very happy. I don't know what does this mean for you. Perhaps, this achievement is nothing to be compared to yours (I am one year late from others, I changed my major course from Science to Social Science)... But, as for me, this is a big milestone. At least, this is a stepping stone to other future life achievements. Phew, what an adventurous life I lived in! 

The moment you realized if you had not failed miserably, you will never learn your lesson

Life is riddled with a lot of tough questions. Are you dismissed from your foundation ? What did you get for your degree ? Why did you choose to make a u- turn ? Long sad story! Most people don't talk openly about their failure, how can you expect I can tell you happily ? T___T Before being accepted again here (Read: UiTM), I still remember the feeling of lost and depression. Life seemed so hard that time. Until at one point, something triggered me. I should wake up. This place has given me another chance, why should I waste it ? (If any of you follow this blog from the start, you will realize that I temporarily stop writing. hihi). Now, if there is one thing that I should thank is; of course the failure that I experienced last three years. The failure reminds me on how imperfect I am -It shows the weakest part of me *I lost half of my ke-machoan during that time. haha*

I am a person who thrives on staying busy. My promise to never involve into any extra activities can get lost. Haha. I am an annoying perfectionist who challenged myself to be part of students' council team and in the mean time, struggling to maintain my pointer. It was hard. My gpa dropped to 3.7+ in semester 4 (My CGPA was the highest in semester 3). At that time, I felt like, OMG is it coming again ? Why didn't I learn from my mistake ? I should never break my promise :( My final year was the hardest (I was chased out from my class once, I failed my quiz & test, bla bla). With all the classes and programs, staying up until 3-4 a.m. seemed like a must. Just imagine, my night activity was full of meetings & discussions and morning class started as early as 8 a.m. Therefore, after all these hard works; I am very grateful with the results. Maintaining flat for four semesters out of six semesters & graduated as one of the ANC(s) are very unexpected. Of course, they are never an easy job. Alhamdulillah!

My highest gratitude goes to everyone who are always by my side during these three years in Mache. Thank you for not running away when I need help and giving the courage and pride to do things that I have never done before :) Sungguh, hutang budi dibawa mati.

My favourite team- mates: The risk takers w/o Shahrul, Akel, & Fathul

My favourite school

My favourite classmates

My favourite club, INDYBS

My so- called siblings

This place is entirely different than high school. I learn to discover myself here (Deep inside, I have to agree with friends harsh statement: Fety tak pernah tahu apa maksud kehidupan). Well, I started to be more open in building new friends in semester 3, before that I 'm used to be a lone-ranger. Haha. Surprisingly, these people have shaped my life tremendously and help me to grow as a person. UiTM really allows me to spread out my wings in order to challenge the limits. Thank you UiTM for all the chances given. I appreciate each one of it. College was one of the best time in my life. hehe, while I know this statement is not really true; I have to admit I had a lot of fun here. So, what 's next ? :)

Reflections: He is watching you

Assalamualaikum!

Wuu, I have been more frequent on the blog! *proud* Well, perhaps best friend is right. My life is starting to get back to normal. I can think more straight and do whatever I want now. After all, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed my this semester holiday. -I rarely have semester break since last year. Don't you think that I deserve this break ?!

Since I am at home, of course, on holiday mood; which means no books and no assignments to be done, sisters keep bashing on me to do all the house chores. Well, we have our own duties (The perk of having too many girls at home. haha) and it is normal routine for me everyday to do the laundry. There is no fun in doing all these house works, especially when you have to go back and forth outside your house. I mean, before going out you have to cover up.. you know.. And I was too lazy to do that one day. Ah, it was so hot outside and I don't think there will be people... So, I walked carefully (To make sure no one see me) before sister turned to me after a few more steps and asked "Dah banyak pahala ke buat harini ?"

Deep. Her words shake me up. Allah -the watchful. How can I forget this ayah: Allah is Ever-Watchful over all things. (al-Ahzab: 52). Clearly, Allah tells us that He watches over all of His servants. He even watches over all of their secrets and their deeds. Ah, I should more aware of Allah’s rights over me and of my duty towards Him. Astaghfirullah T__T

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Leadership is about taking responsibilities, not making excuses

I have just come back from a leadership course yesterday and I am slightly frustrated with some of the participants that suppose should join the camp but end up with absentees. No matter how logic all of the excuses, I still cannot brain them. Come on, at least do this for the sake of our friendship. 

I have been part of students' organizations since school and I can tell you that the amount of experience that I learnt is incredible. But, still I went to all the organized courses. In every courses, I met a lot of amazing people, I got mentors, and the most important, I learn to develop my personality. The leadership stuffs in university are far difference compared to the one that you learnt in school. So, what makes you think that you are good enough in leadership ? (Read: Fety is very disappointed)

Home is not home without mom

Assalamualaikum!

Mom is not here now and will be coming home only this Monday. Huwaaaa I am very exhausted! Home maker is really not my job. Sending and picking up the school children, cleaning and keeping the house in order... These duties are very tiring.. I can never imagine how mom can work and in the mean time, still managing the house. This particular event had made me thinking how much I appreciate my mom. -Even though I can count on one hand how many times she has said she loves me, I know she does. Haha

Recalling on my childhood days, a common joke that my siblings and I used to say is "I wish I had bla bla mom, she is very sporting, bla bla and the list goes". Haha! We seem so eager to be adult that time. I still remember sneaking out into mom's room stealing her over-sized dress and posed.. Well, you know. ..girls' hormones -__-'

Not now, anymore. Mom might not be perfect (She nags a lot!), but I know she had tried her best in fulfilling the wishes of her children. Ah ok, enough with this. Let's get back to work. Mom, 5 days off duties are more than enough! Please come home fast.

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Source: Tumblr

Abah talked about sabr these few days. Well, perhaps he realized that his daughter is in her gloomy days. hehe. Life is a series of moments. In between this real life, there is sometimes highs and lows of our lives. And in these times, we as the believer must establish our connection to Allah (Dah susah, baru cari. Malunya ya Allah).

....Kena sabar: Sabar dengan apa yang kita suka, sabar juga dengan apa yang kita tak suka. -Abah

The feeling, the same feeling few years back.

One thing that makes it different is this time, I am ready for any possibilities. The joy that I had when I received all the awards is all from Allah. And it is equally to the worry that I feel now is too from Him. After all, it may be we hate a thing that is good for us and our desire to something will only lead to the ruining of our lives. Who knows ?

Designing the future

 A:  You are too busy

 B:   I make myself busy because you are busy

A:   Still, you are busier

B:  You are too immersed with your design

A:  But, I 'm designing our future

B:  ......

*************

My best friend is very good at giving excuses now. Haha. Whatever it is, regarding the future.. ...I have some specific worries about what the future holds for me. Especially, for these few days.. I was very stressed and burnt out worrying about my next journey of life. The place seems closer, but yet it is still far away. After all, may Allah ease everything that I am doing now. 

My final semester result will be out on the first week of November. For the first time, I am very impatient to know about the results. My works seem cannot be settled without the final results. Talking to best friend will always end up with -you are thinking too much. Stop it, over thinking kills you inside. 

So, let's keep calm, for now ? Truth to be said, the unknown have provided some heartaches for me. & it really ruined my days too. I know, we cannot control the future (Ok, designing is accepted. haha), but we know that more often than not, if we are open to it; it will lead us to something good. Bukan kah Allah dah tetapkan yang baik semuanya ?

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Assalamualaikum! 

The new Islamic year is finally here. Abah did some tazkirah about this yesterday. Set new resolutions, make changes on your life. Or, you should at least review the direction of your life. 

“Kamu telah dilalaikan (daripada mengerjakan amal bakti) oleh perbuatan berlumba-lumba untuk mendapat dengan sebanyak-banyaknya (harta benda, anak-pinak pangkat dan pengaruh). Sehingga kamu masuk kubur" (102: 1-2)

Ah, very deep. I am too busy chasing my dreams. Sometimes, I struggled a lot to show my best part of me to the people outside there... Sitting down and logically thinking about it, what am I doing actually ? I know, somehow I feel like I have messed up my priorities. I don't want to success only in this world, I want to be productive for the Hereafter too, seriously! T__T

The true test of love.

“How different this moment feels, for so many reasons. I tell myself that no two loves are identical - but that I don't have to compare anymore.”

My first book for this long semester break! It has been a long time.... since my last read. phew. Somehow, it is quite weird to think that how can I manage to read more during my foundation years compared to now. How can a science student has time to read novels more that a business student ? Haha. -Perhaps, she has no life that time. The only world that she knew were the thick biology book & yes, novels :)

Love The One You're With by Emily Griffin. My sister bought this book for me a long time ago, but I just had chance to read it these past few days (I have no much time to read before this, please believe. hehe). I don't know how much stars should I rate for this book. Basically, this novel discussed a situation which most of people have been. Ellen who wondered if her husband, Andy, was really her soul-mate. A chance to encounter with her ex-boyfriend, Leo, gave Ellen a small glimpse into the relationship they could have had and suddenly made her question why she broke up with him. & here, the drama begins. 

Sometimes, Ellen just stressed me out. She had a lot of thinking, but the way she always kept everything inside and never talk to Andy about her true feelings was very maddening. Ah, out of sudden I feel like I 'm reading myself here. haha. But for sure, I hate Leo. Any real man who genuinely cared for her would have left her alone instead of putting her in dilemma. I mean, she is somebody's wife already and you have nothing related to her anymore. Go and get your own life! (emo. haha). In the end, I 'm glad finally Ellen can think straight and stick to Andy. Andy was too cool. How sweet he was when he went to NY by himself to find his wife. I cried a little inside :( This reminds me to my best friend's question once, if there 's any circumstance comes to us one day, will you defend this relationship ? ............

After all, Love the One You’re With is a story that goes straight to the heart of what it means to love and be loved, and to find a way to live with difficult choices. So, have you encounter things like this in your life ? How did you settle your feelings ? Let's share.

Whirlwind of emotions.

Assalamualaikum!

It has been thirty minutes. & I still typing..... erase... & typing again. Ah, I miss murai very much. This is my final semester, here in Mache! You know, everyone lies when they said final semester is the easiest. What I see everyday are papers, books, and exams piling over my head (Not including my extra club works and all the university problems). Doing programs seems easier these days. But, please. Not FESKEM again. It was the toughest program that I have ever done in my entire life. If I was given another chance to do it.. Em, still not now. I need time to digest everything. haha. 

By the way, still remember my first entry about this place ?  The day I entered the campus, some sort of fear engulfed me.... I rate this place with two stars.. haha. Well, basically it was true (Read: Fety cannot lie). It was my first impression. & that is why, I have never angry to those who dislike this place. I even said to the degree students that I met during their orientation week earlier of this semester: It is ok for not liking this place these few weeks, but if you don't have that some kind of love to this place until the end; it is really a problem. This place is not that bad!

After all, my real life starts here. 

If anyone can recall how a student, who is having her darkest phase in her life.. crawling in searching for the right track to stand, and to say that she is very fortunate to meet a lot of good people until now standing as one of the best(est) student, with the second highest position that she had never imagine.. The failure has helped me recognize the more fragile part of me. In fact, this place taught me things that I would not have learned had I accepted the degree offer. 

Apa yang Allah tetapkan semuanya betul, suka atau tak itu nafsu kita semata- mata -Abah

Finally, it is getting down to the wire. Thinking of never come to this place after this, makes me cry a little :( I 'm going back to college this Wednesday to finish another two final examination papers. Definitely, I 'll enjoy this place to the fullest. How quickly the time passed....